Honestly, I promised myself that after I wrote my (supposed to be) last entry which is Dope in Love v.2 would be my last post for the month but since I feel so lost about my life I decided to write this.
Is there any moment in your life that you eventually lost your confidence to yourself? Perhaps your answer is yes. But can you merely imagine the life of a person who always think that he's worthless, a failure and just good for nothing? Maybe you can't easily understand the life of a pessimist.
Yes, I considered myself as one  and I get sick of it most of the time. I always asked myself why am I so negative as if all I can see is my mistakes and flaws. I grew up with a low self esteem and I get used to that but somehow it gives me a tiring feeling to live.

Being a pessimist has never been so easy. There are a lot of times where you just give up to anticipate the future ahead you, times when even yourself  stopped believing in your own capabilities and strength and these are the things that I need to faced everyday. Just for once I want to face life with positive outlook without thinking all the negative side of it. For once I wish that I can be a good confidant to myself just like I deal with other people. For once I just want to get rid of this negativity. A lot of times wherein I'm scared to try other things, I'm always in the shadow of my comfort zone. A person who is scared to explore the reality of world. A person who has a lot of insecurities. A person that sees all the imperfection. A person that believes she can't do it. And a person who never appreciates her existence- that's me. A girl who is unworthy and eventually swallow by her flaws and shortcomings.

Though I may have this kinds of traits I'm always there to cheer and support other people. I can be their confidant in times of struggle and be the person that will going to boost their confidence whenever they feel so down. And that is the saddest part, yes I can help my friends, family and all the people closest to my heart but why can't I even give that to myself?
But perhaps someday I'll have the confidence to stand for myself.

I also dedicate this post to all the pessimist out there. (Just keep the faith guys and we can survive).

PS: Maybe I'm in the midst of depression? (kidding but it's not impossible though)